Tell me a story..

Because the one that keeps repeating over and over in my head is one I wish I could close the book on.
Shove it under the bed and let the dust bunnies get it.
I hate that I can't. But I sure wish I could.
I hate that 7 months ago my little one went to be with Jesus.
I hate that my due date is almost here and I will have empty arms on the day that it does.
I don't know what that day will look like.
Now don't get me wrong.
This isn't a pity party.
There are mothers who have gone thru much much worse than I have.
I'm just trying to sort out these emotions before they over run me.
I still have the pregnancy test tucked away.
Why I am keeping it I don't know but it's the only thing I have to tell me that it was real.
That the pain I felt was real.
But the healing I have experienced has helped numb the pain.
I know with time it will go away.
I'm just not sure when.

Today is pregnancy and infant loss awareness day.
Tonight at 7 there will be candles lit all over the country as parents remember.
I just wish that I wasn't one of them.
But I am.
Please join me in remembering all the babies who have gone too soon, including my own sweet little baby.
And hug a loss momma...heaven knows we need it!

Three months today...

How can it be three months already since we said goodbye?
Where has the time gone?
My heart still aches for what was but thankfully I have moved on.
The nightmares have stopped.
The emotional roller coaster ride from hell has stopped.
I am still healing and so is my heart.
I know that I would not have survived this without my faith in the all loving God and for that I am truly blessed beyond measure.
And thank you..for sticking with me, for listening to me rant and for loving me all the way thru it.

Was it really only 6 weeks ago?

Hard to believe that this crazy ride isn't over yet
Looking back I didn't think that the pain would ever go away.
I felt like my miscarriage was defining me.
Almost like it was a part of who I am supposed to be...and it pissed me off.
I am so very glad that I didn't buy into that lie and my life has gone on..I have moved on.
Sometimes I catch myself looking back.
Thinking about what should have been.
The pain comes and goes in waves... it can be hard to tell from one moment to the next when the sadness is going to wash over me. Struggling to lift my head up and give my burdens to Him.
I find comfort knowing that my sweet little baby is with Him.
I forget.
I laugh.
I cry.
Thankfully I am not doing it alone.
I would love to say that this crazy ride is over but, it's not.
A part of me wishes this post was about the end of the craziness but that too is going to have to wait.
Surrounding myself with my children has given me peace and for that I am truly blessed.